* My 2 year blog birthday happened on March 10, 2020... Which also happened to be the day we also launched pre-order sales for Hope and Hugs Shop... and in the midst of moving into our new home. Right after that busy time, covid-19 took over and blogging was pushed even further back in my mind. However, I still want to publish this post that I had ready to go, but forgot about, and celebrate what I have done in the past two years. I am also hoping to carve out more time for myself to write again. I have missed the freedom and connection I find when I pour words onto a page. Hoping this finds you all well. XO Pamela
Two years ago today I did something that was scary, exciting and definitely out of my comfort zone... I launched Beauty And The Migraine Beast. I knew that when I started, it would at least be good for me to speak my truth for myself, not really knowing what kind of reaction I would get from others. I was desperate to share the reality of what life with chronic migraine is truly like. Exhausted by the constant bombardment of "cures" peddled by people that knew little to nothing about my illness drove me into the space of blogging. I never expected to fall in love with it, let alone the incredible roll that I am now so proud to attach to my name - advocate. I am proud of the amazing community around me, the friendships I have made and the opportunity to be a Lyfebulb ambassador for chronic migraine.
It is vital to me to share openly. Vulnerability takes courage and strength in a way that I hadn't fully tapped into before I began writing. I've always been drawn to creativity in different ways and had a desire to write, but honestly it scared me. Opening any of the writings on my blog is a true glimpse into my life. You get to look through a window into my world, and I have no idea if I am having an impact or not. I hope that I am a support system to those that have to live with this terrible illness too. I hope that I can help educate those that don't know much about chronic migraine. I want to be an example. Yes, I have this difficult path, often debilitated by the roller coaster of pain ... but I am still living, still doing the things that fill my cup and raising my beautiful family. Is it challenging? Of course. Some days much more than others, but I would not change it.
Along with trying to manage chronic migraine, I have also had to deal with PCOS and our continued struggle to grow our family. Infertility and treatments deeply impact how I have to deal with chronic migraine. There are no cut and dry answers. We have been trying to grow our family, again, since Luke was an infant. Yes, I have two amazing boys... but I also have two angel babies. This path to motherhood has been FAR more complicated by PCOS and migraine. I am asked all the time why I have not tried specific medications or treatments that others have found beneficial - The short answer, I am not willing to risk it when we are still trying to grow our family. My body is a battleground of many levels, and I know what I can handle and how far I am willing to push. It's personal, difficult and emotional and worth it. I often have people come to me worried how they might handle being a mom and living with migraine. For me there is no question about it - every struggle and sacrifice is worth my deepest dream. All I have ever wanted was to be a mother. It looks different than I imagined, but that doesn't make it wrong or make me an unworthy mother.
What I didn't expect when I started this blogging journey is that my health would continue to decline. At this point, I have pain every single day from chronic migraine. The intensity of pain fluctuates, but it is never truly gone. I have learned to live in this new form of my body, one that is always uncomfortable and on a see-saw of pain. How do I do it? One - day - at - a - time. There is no other way. I don't make plans too far in advance and I never tell the boys until it's a certainty. Do I hope that one day there is a cure for migraine? ABSOLUTELY! Being a confident, fierce advocate does not mean that I want to live this life of pain forever. Over the past two years my body has fallen apart. I am worse than I have ever been, and that is not easy to accept... But I have also grown into a version of myself that I don't think I would have without the struggles. I am letting the pain and lessons take root and transform me into the woman God wants me to be, and for that I am eternally grateful.