Jeremy and I both grew up in Michigan, but the Navy has taken us far from our home-state for many, many years. No matter where we have lived, however, I have always still felt a pull to that familiar place. The Pure Michigan commercials come one the radio or tv and I have this queasy longing, a homesickness for all things Michigan. I could listen to Tim Allen tell me us the reasons I need to get back to Michigan all day long. It was so hard being in places like San Diego, where people didn't know what a cider mill was and thought the idea of a basement was crazy. My soul longs to be able to visit my grandparent's cabin, which I have not been to since Jeremy and I were engaged! I want people to not look at me weird when I say "pop" and have the ability to have a Vernor's anytime I am feeling sick.
Speaking of being sick, the past few months of my life have been the most challenging I have ever had as far as my chronic migraine diagnosis. My last Botox injections were done on December 4th and honestly, they did not help. Balancing medication and fertility treatments is difficult and emotionally draining. The following are how many days in each month I had a migraine for December 2018 - April 2019 so you can have an idea of what we have been dealing with... and I am already at 22 days this month and it's a week from being over.
December - 17 days
January - 22 days
February - 20 days
March - 26 days
April - 24 days
I love my boys, I am so thankful for my husband, but I am so exhausted. Jeremy works full time and up until the end of April, was also finishing his bachelors degree. I am on my own during the day and many weekends. It is so hard to balance life, my illness and our little bit of time as a family. It got to the point where I couldn't see how I was going to keep going the way I was. I knew I needed help and I reached out to someone locally that I have a lot of respect for, hoping they would know someone that could come help once in a while on days when my pain levels were super high. Doing that was incredibly difficult for me. I hate asking for help, especially when I am at my most vulnerable. Jeremy and I have been on our own a long time, and when he was gone (because of his military responsibilities) alone took on a whole new meaning. But with my health spiraling, I knew that the most responsible, healthy thing to do was to reach out. I waited patiently and nothing came of it. That was hard and I didn't want to push, it was bad enough having to ask once.
Every time I speak to my grandparents they tell me how much they miss us, how proud they are of us and how they wish we could come back to Michigan. A couple months ago, my grandpa was speaking to my mom about a possible job opportunity in a future power plant for Jeremy. My mom told me about it, knowing that it probably wouldn't be good enough to take us away from New York. She knows how much we really love living here, and the plan has always been to stay after Jeremy gets out of the Navy in December. I told Jeremy about what was passed along the grape vine and then something changed...
We started to really talk about why we were planning on staying here, would he be able to find a job in Michigan that pays what he is worth, can we afford to pack up and move our entire life again and what did our hearts really want? The list of pros and cons for moving was very uneven ... and favoring the pros. Nathan sobs when my parents leave and Luke is just very confused. Nathan asks why Meema (my mom) can't come to his birthday and when can he play with his cousins. Being aways from family is hard, and we have been away for a long time. In the early morning hours, together, we decided what we wanted... We are moving back to Michigan.
I felt relief. I knew that this was the right thing to do, and God had been patiently nudging our hearts in that direction. So when the plan was finally set in stone, it made us happy and we knew that this was the foundation for the rest of our life together. Being close to family and sharing our life with them more will be amazing... but I really think our whole quality of life will shift. I can have real help when I need it and that will take stress off of Jeremy as well. We will also be able to go on a date more than twice a year! The boys can grow up like I did, spending time with family and making lasting connections and memories. Saying goodbye to this piece of our life here in New York will be hard because we have truly loved it here, but it is time for us to finally come home. As soon as we made this enormous decision, I didn't feel stress or panic.
*We will be moving in with my amazing parents until we find the perfect house to buy... because we really don't want to move again after that!